25 Random Things

On Facebook there has been this "25 Random Things" posting. While I could totally post it on my Facebook, I see this as an opportunity to blog, so here it goes. ..

1. I am severely arachnaphobic. No lie, it's bad. It was something that brought much joy to the boys in high school. However, it brought no joy to me. I fear the black widow and the tarntualla the most, but the tiniest of spiders make me freak out. And before you ask me...no, I have not seen the movie Arachnaphobia and I never will...

2. Living in Bealeton has not helped my arachnaphobia because a) black widows have been spotted (not by me thankfully) in my area and b) fuzzy barn spiders inhabit my basement. I thank God for my cat, Sable who keeps them away.

3. Years ago, my friend J unknowingly taught me a way to deal with my arachnaphobia. I name spiders that insist on inhabiting my domain (they are told they are NOT allowed in my sleeping area...but a later post will show they don't always abide by this ruld). Names I have given spiders have been: Nid, Arach, Joe, Mo (for big ass mo fo'), Monette (female version of Mo) and Fred.

4. At the age of 4 I was diagnosed with juvenile rhuematoid arthritis in my right knee. It has since spread to both knees and hands. I have been in remission from JRA since July 2000. I only experienced flare ups at the ages of 4, 11, & 22.

5. I have ganglian cysts on both of my hands. No clue how I got them. My left is the worst. I have to wear a hand brace at night to keep my hand from falling asleep.

6. When I was 14, my natural mom and I lived with my aunt, her boyfriend, and her four sons (my cousins). My natural mom and I shared a room in their house for nearly a year. What a trip that was...

7. Between the ages of 13/14 I moved three times. But third time was a charm. My parents still live at that house.

8. I have one brother who is nearly 15 years younger than me, but I love him like crazy. I like to think we are close. He's one of few people I can just sit and not have to say a word to...and just be...

9. I think I'm too strict of a mother and need to chill out...but not always easy when your daughter is a drama queen...

10. On the otherside...I'm a sucker for my kids...Sometimes...sometimes...especially when shopping, I find it hard to say 'no'...but it's not for toys...I happen to have kids that ask for sensible things...like pajamas...and certain foods...I mean how can I say no to princess pajamas...???and English muffin??? If the hubby's reading this he'd say "Easy, say 'no'".

11. I cannot stand the sound of someone who smacks their lips while they eat.

12. Wet socks are my main pet peeve.

13. I'm a workaholic and am trying to work on this issue....wait...that didn't sound right...no really, I want more time with my kids...I want to be able to take them places and not worry about the phone calls/emails coming in...

14. I have two batchelor's degrees. One in History of women & gender, and one in social studies education. At graduation, I was the only one out of 35 social studies teachers that got my history degree in women & gender. I'd like to think of myself as a trailblazer because of that fact.

15. I have bruxism and have to wear a mouth guard to bed (isn't my husband so lucky...he's got a sexy wife who has to wear braces and mouthguards to bed) woo hoo...

16. I have a degree in Reiki I & Reflexology I...some PLEASE ask me to practice on them...I need to practice...but warning, I suck at the reflexology...hence the need to practice...

17. I've taken animal communication classes, but please don't ask me to read your pet's mind when you see me...it doesn't work like that...

18. While my dad came up with the little man's real name, the hubby thought it was awesome when we found a way to tie it to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

19. I have a bad habit of reading books I've read over again. I say this is a bad habit because I have a whole bookshelf (maybe two) of books I need to read (that my mother in law gave me). One book in particular, The Other Boleyn Girl, I had to give away because the hubby was sick of seeing me read it last year...

20. We have a family bed in our house. This means our kids (including our furry one--just the dog & cat) sleep in our bed. The boob actually now sleeps in her own bed mostly. The little man joins us around 4/5am, However, I have to say, I love having my kids close to me.

21. I handwrite almost every entry of this blog before I type it and post it. If I write it cold, I'll make it known. This could be part of the reason why I don't blog enough. I prefer to handwrite everything. Gives me a hard copy.

22. I clean when I'm upset.

23. I tend to fret over social situations...if you think haven't fretted over you, you're wrong.

24. When I first met my hubby, I gave him my business card and he won't let me forget that...

25. One person I miss most in this world I my pop-pop...I found out he died on a Monday and every monday for the rest of that year it rained...not kidding...I don't think of him as often as I did, but on certain days, it still hits me...he was just the ultimate grandfather. The ultimate person.

Never A Dull Moment in Bealeton - Part I

A while ago, when I was still pregnant, I was on the phone talking with Schmack. Just as I was hanging up the phone, I heard this sound:

Clop-clop, clop-clop, clop-clop, clop-clop.

Quickly, I looked out the front window to see two horses clopping their way down the street (riders with them, of course).

NO LIE! Seriously. Two people were riding horses down my street. Yes, my street is paved, Yes, I live in a developed part of Bealeton. Granted, my area used to be Meadfield Farm, but still...

Two horses went down my street like it's something they do every day.

I had to take a picture. However, I couldn't find a camera. When I did, the horses wer out of sight. No biggie, I thought to myself. They couldn't have gone far. I called for the boob to come see the horsies with me and she said "I'm watching a movie now".

Kids.

Unfortunately, the horses were gone by the time I got outside. I stood there in disbelief. A woman was walking down the street with her baby.

"Did you see the horses?" I asked her.

"No, where were they?"

I told her and she turned right around to go find them. Shortly after, the hubby came home. I asked him if he saw the horses on his drive home. He said no.

I was NOT hallucinating these horses...

Well, Hello There

Ok, it's been a while...and I'm doing this cold (not writing it out beforehand). I've been away for a while...I have a list of reasons and here they are:

I had a baby in June...which means I now have two kids...so that means raising children is twice the fun for me...

I went back to work when my son was only three weeks old. So that means raising children is twice the fun, plus add in the extra smiles I get from dealing with work.

Work started out as something that wasn't too bad...something I could do here and there at night when 'the boob' and 'the little man' (name for my new son) are asleep or preoccupied. However over the months it started snowballing. I never expected to be making many calls during the day. In my job, I usually deal with people over email, or an occasional, rare call. But suddenly, in October, I found myself on the phone for what turned out to be a full day...during the day...with my kids at home with me...so...figure this:

Kids at home (well the boob is in preschool now, but that only takes up a few hours and the little man needs about an hours worth of my attention), house needs cleaning, food needs cooking (because I do not believe in fast food all the time), and other stuff needs tending....hmm....what other stuff...oh I need to feed my animals...if I don't they would revolt...so yeah...my life is chaotic, and I have no time...

And trust me...I have so much material...so much...unfortunately, the hubby says be careful about putting stuff to writing about work...boo hiss...killjoy...but he does have a point.

But no worries, I have been writing blogs that I am going to post....NOW....

How to Traumatize your child

Actual email sent to the hubby, slightly edited...Subject line was YOUR Cat...


The boob was looking out the window while brushing her teeth and suddenly says

"Mommy I want Tiki back" (BB note: Tiki is one of our ferrets that died last year...however, the boob took to calling our living ferret, Duece - Tiki. A month ago, Duece ran away) and she started getting teary and insisting we get outside.

I was like "Ok, ok. Finishing brushing your teeth"

Then she goes, "Mommy, Tiki is outside with Sable" (Another note: Sable is one of our cats, our youngest cat to be specific)

I was like "Ok...show me" I looked out the bedroom window...saw nothing...

So I check the boob's teeth and I'm like "Ok, we'll go look for Duece" (because I know Tiki is really Duece).

I didn't think anything of it...thought maybe it was an overimaginative mind.

We got outisde, were looking around, when suddenly I heard a whine that sounded like Snickers (yet another note: Snickers is my bro's beagle...they have a very distinctive whine) whining...I looked over in the sunflower garden...and there was YOUR Cat (Sable) with a baby BUNNY in her mouth...

Blood was pouring from it and the boob saw it all in plain sight. I started screaming at Sable, the boob automatically started crying...Then she ran upstairs and sat on the deck until I went to get her five minutes later.

I screamed at Sable to drop it. I also grabbed a nearby 2x4 and started swinging at the cat in hopes of convincing her to drop it (PETA note: I did not swing directly at my cat...just over her head in hopes of separating her from little nut brown hare). When she finally did it was too late...And she kept going towards it, but I managed to get her and put her inside.

The pour thing died three minutes later...it should probably be buried, I don't know what to do with it.

The boob came inside with me so I could email you and broke into tears "I don't like Sable!" I tried to explain that kitties do that and she was only bringing us a present, but I agreed, it's not the kind of present I would want...

I wish I knew where she found it because there has to be more and I don't want her killing more...of course now the boob thinks Sable will kill Flopsey (ANOTHER NOTE: our rabbit who lives in the wash room with her)...

That's what you are missing today...

Love,

Your wife

Final note: Hubby later called and asked me if I did anything with little nut brown hare's body and I said "No." He said "Are you going to do anything with his body...just toss him behind the shed" (where we put all the animal carnage...birds...mice). I said "He's too big to put back there, he needs to be buried." Hubby goes "Oh just put him a bag and toss him". I then said "I'm not doing THAT by myself".

Actually I'm not doing that period...some things are just meant for men to do...

Also, I told the boob in the future I will definitely be listening to her when she tells me Sable is up to something...no more dawdling to get outside...

I'd help you but...

Ok, so it was around the holidays and I was in Wal-mart. This alone should tell you all that customer service and the general atmosphere of the place was at an all time low. However, I was in need of customer service, therefore, I had to stand in one of the longest lines possible. Because you know...God forbid, Wal-mart has TWO lines open at the customer service station.

My general issue at the time? it was a simple one. The retard cashier yet AGAIN forgot to ring up my coupons. It never fails, whenever I go food shopping at Wal-mart, I ned up in the ONLY line without a divider AND the cashier forgets to ring up my coupons (and I swear, I do NOT use the same chasier or go to the same line everytime).

Ok, Ok, so I sound like I'm being petty. I'm standing in a ridiculously long ine because I want $1.35 back (or should I just say $2 for Better off Dead posperity?). It's totally not worth my time for the money, however, I feel it's a matter of principle. They need to know my injustice, they need to feel guilty. I need to get a life.

Anyway, my whole coupon ordeal isn't what inspired me to write this. It was something the boob did. Of course I can't expect a two year old to sit still while waiting in this line. After a bit, she started doing the normal 'fidget' routine. I did little in stopping her because I felt maybe it would motivate the customer service people to move faster (I know the world hates people like me). At one point, the boob starting playing with her barretts and she flung one to the opposite side of the customer servcie counter. Since I couldn't get to this barrett, I asked an employee walking towards me if she could get it.

"I know you aren't asking me to get that." replied the employee (she was a rather large, middle aged woman).

I was temporarily speechless as I thought to myself "I was asking in English right?" Then I realized yes, I was. Then I marveled at this employee's rudeness. I reminded myself it was the holidays and it was Wal-mart. I bit back any snarky reply and said:

"Not really a big deal, I just thought I'd ask."

The employee huffed liked I asked her to pick up a flat of 10lb bags of mulch, not a 1/2 inch barrett right next to her foot. She proceeded to kick said barrett to the other end of the customer service counter. She asked another employee to pick it up for her, then she brought it back to me.

"I'm sorry" She said, "but I got these bad knees".

Now, as mentioned before, the BB tries not to hate. So I held back all my comments about her former profession before Wal-mart, and any comments about how she may have landed her three ex-husbands, and I put on a smile and said:

"Thank you."

Minutes later, I had my $1.35. Although I got a blog post out of the experience, I think the next time they forget to ring up my coupons, I'll just write a letter to the manager...

What's up with That?

Ok...some people said it had been a year since my last post and I was like "Oh that's just unacceptable". But I see it's just been six months. While it's still totally negligent, it's not THAT bad.

Ok, something HAD to have inspired me to post this blog. I have a few in the hopper too. It's just been bad with work and having to keep up with the boob. Not to mention this pregnancy thing. You'd think I blog about this whole pregnancy, but hey, I didn't blog about my pregnancy with the boob, so why should I with this one?

Anyhoo...the other day, my friend Margie was over. I realized while she was over that the Pope was about to land at Andrews Air Force base. So, I turned on the TV to watch Popepapalooza start. I saw our holiness coming out of the plane and walk towards the Bush family. I was like 'cool.'. Then...I saw them...bright red, Ronald McDonald like shoes. And it wasn't like he was wearing red. He was wearing all white, with his gold cross. But underneath were these obnoxious shoes.

Ok, so I can't expect an 81 year old man to have fashion sense...but come on. RED shoes? RED RONALD MCDONALD like shoes? Surely some sisters on the plane could have warned him about this...

Maybe a closeted bishop?

I know...I'm going to hell...in a little hand basket with ribbons in my little short bus.

BEEP BEEP!

Your trash rental...

Ok, I know it's been a LONG TIME. I have no excuse...well is being pregnant an excuse? I didn't think so...but of course SOMETHING happens to just totally inspire me. Truth be told, something happened that would be a crime NOT to blog. So here we go...

The Monday after Thanksgiving, my trash guys failed to pick up the trash. Now this wouldn't seem so abnormal if hubby and I didn't just see the owner's son over the weekend. He sat and talked with us for a half hour about having kids and living in the area. Then we gave him a check for SIX MONTHS of trash removal. I thought it odd, then figured the guys probably took and extra day off for the holiday. I knew they would come Thursday (the company has been in business for 40 years and while they have their quirky way of doing things, I know they always pick up the trash...eventually).

So flash to the following Monday. Thursday's trash had been collected (as I figured) and the trash was out waiting for Monday's pick up. I was on the phone with my friend Schmack. While I was talking to her, I see a truck pull up. I didn't recognize this truck, but I recognized the men coming out as the owner's sons coming out to collect the trash. As I squinted for a closer look I noticed something that made me laugh out loud.

The trash guys were picking up the trash in a Hertz rent-a-truck. No lie, I can't make this up!!! So I guess that explains why the trash wasn't picked up the previous Monday...their truck of 40 years finally bit it and now they are using rent a trucks to pick up the trash until it's fixed or they can afford a new one. Mind you, that week it was a Hertz rent-a-truck, last week it was a U-Haul. Who knows what they'll use the pick up my trash in this week.

I still love the trash guys...with all my heart...the crazy men...

-BB.

Barney Thought for the day

Because I'm inspired and because it's been a while, I'm doing a double post...

This is a short one...it's a thought for you...In honor of Barney's 20th Birthday I pose this question to you...

Do you find it odd that Barney had a friend named BJ? Not only that BJ has a sister named Baby Bop...

you think about that for a bit mmmkay??

The BB

Opps...did you want that hair

Okay Okay, I know I like too the whole summer off...but like I explained a few posts ago, I'm working again. Working has kept me distracted from writing. Top that off with my desire to be working on other projects, and there hasn't been much of a blog. However, I'm feeling crappy and nothing helps crappy like blogging.

Now what to blog about...Oh I know...

So at the beginning of the summer, the hubby comes up to me and wants me to cut his hair. This in itself isn't a bad thing, however for about six months now, the hubby has gone with the close cropped look. This look doesn't necessarily require me to cut his hair. He just basically has to run a shaver (with 1/8' guard...remember this tidbit) over his head.

Anyway, hubby asks me to help. I figure it's easier than what I used to do for him before his co-workers started accusing him of having a comb-over. So, I go over his head with a razor, no biggie. Then I take the guard off and touch up his neck area, and his sideburns. After that I told the hubby to go check himself in the mirror. It was a nice day and we were outside, but the hubby went in the check his hair. He came out and said I missed a patch on top of his head. No problem, I went to go touch up the area. (you so have to know where this is going). I start touching up and I think to myself "damn I really missed this area, look how much hair is coming off hubbies head". Then all the sudden this sick feeling overcomes me...and in one moment I realize....

I forgot to put the guard back on...

I've fucked up my husband's do and now I have to shave him BALD...

I fall to the floor laughing. I laugh so hard, then I start crying. Not because I'm laughing, but because I screwed up my hubby's hair (what little he has of it). Hubby is laughing and he finds this no biggie because for years he would shave off all of his hair in the summer. I stop blubbering/laughing and finish off his hair. I admit, I'm not all for the completely no hair look. I like hair on my man. But I kept telling myself it's no biggie. I met him when he was bald, so I should be used to it. Besides, so many good looking men out there are bald. I mean Chris Daughtery is hot...right? RIGHT???

My Little Bunny

When the boob was one week old, I read her a book for the first time. I was home alone for the first time and was still in pain from surgery. So reading a book seemed like a nice, relaxing thing to do. Also, it's never too early to start reading to a child.

The book I chose to read to the boob was "The Runaway Bunny" by Margaret Wise Brown, illustrated by Clement Hurd. These two are the dynamic team behind "Goodnight Moon". This story is so sweet and brought me to tears. The tears could have been mixed with post partum hormones, but I think too because I've become such a mush since becoming a mom. Basically, the story is about a little bunny that wants to runaway from his mother rabbit. His mother rabbit insists she will find him wherever he goes. She even says she will help him along his journey in life. As the bunny challenges his mother with possible running away scenarios (becoming a rock on a mountain, a fish in a trout stream, a bird), his mother, like any good mother, tells him how she will 'find him'.

At one point in the story, the bunny announces that he is going to become a sailboat and sail away from his mother. The mother says "I will become the wind and blow you where I want you to go." The next line starts:

"If you become the wind and blow me, "

At this point, I always crack up.

Because I am one perverted mama...