The Oldest Cat in the World

Ok..so I know I was supposed to write about going to church this Sunday but will all have to wait. Divine inspiration came today.

So the boob, Signal and I are at the vet for Signal's one year check up. She's been drinking alot of water so they do an on-the-spot urine check. We were all waiting for the results. As I was waiting, I was of course looking at all the pictures and decorations in the waiting room. One picture caught my eye. It was a picture of a cat and there was a letter next to it. It went something like this.

"We had a client named Kitty Furry (I made up the name). Kitty Furry was literally the Oldest cat in the World. Kitty was 27 when he died. He would have been in the Guiness Book of World Records, however Kitty's records were lost in a fire years ago. Kitty will be missed...blah, blah, blah..."

All I could think of as I read this was...Mystic is 19 years old. Boy would the hubby be pissed if he lived to 27.

I better find his original owner for his records...

-The BB

Obnoxious Christmas Displays

The other day, I went out to do some errands. It was daylight when I left, but when I returned, it was nighttime. As I came in the house, I expected it to be pitch black because no lights were on and usually when no lights are on, it is such. I noticed my dining room was light up, so assumed maybe the hubby turned on the kitchen night light. When I walked into my dining room, it happened...

I WAS BLINDED...MY GOD, JESUS CHRIST WHO THIS HOLIDAY IS FOR, WHY MOTHER MARY OF GOD!!!

"Honey, you HAVE to come see this" I say with my mouth STILL gaping.

"See what? What did your dog do now?"

"Not our dog, our neighbors."

Ok...um, my neighbors, across the street from the neighbors BEHIND me...have the BRIGHTEST, TACKIEST display of lights I have EVER seen. And I'm sure my neighbor behind me is worse because I've seen his display before, but because I can SEE the neighbor's across the street from him display, I'm giving them the award. I can't see the neighbor's behind me display...well because he's behind me...can't you figure out why. He lives on a cul-de-sac, so I have a clear view of the neighbors behind them.

I mean...this display...if it moves, lights up, is a fake, lighted Xmas tree...it's on their lawn. And there appears to be spotlights lighting up the show too. However, it turns out it's not spotlights, it's actually the light reflecting from the neighbor's behind me display. His display is so equally tacky (and as I said I know this from seeing it), the brightness from his display reflects off his neighbor's across the street display.

To add insult to injury they have the balls to turn on their front door lights. Literally people, I look out my back door and it's as bright as daylight back there. That's obnoxious. The other neighors in the court have 'normal' displays with lighted up trees and lights on the house. Their houses make the lights on my shrubs, front fence, light pole and the nicely decorated holy tree in my front yard look like white trash.

There are reindeer, Santa's sleighs, Santa's, Electric trees all out on display back behind me. Enough electricity to...well I can't even imagine. I mean these are the same neighbors that told me that pool filters should be run 13 hours a day. No...we ran ours 1-2 hours a day...while we used it. Sometimes *gasp* we skipped days. Our pool fared fine and our electric bill was saved.

I'm sure these displays are one neighbor trying to outdo the other. I don't remember the neighbors across the street being so 'bright' last year. So I'm chalking this up to a war going on across the street. But I know...every time they plug in their lights for the night...Al Gore cries out in pain...

-The BB

Now why the hell are they blinking?

I hope all of you had a wonderful, relaxing Thanksgiving. I think there is no better way to come out of my hiatus than making a Christmas time blog for you. Almost seems fitting since one of my first blog posts was about Christmas...but that one was shumultzy compared to this.

To everyone, I hope you all enjoyed this wonderful weather this weekend. We were lucky bastards to have such beautiful weather. To all the people that decorate their homes on the holidays...we were super lucky bastards because there is nothing easier than putting lights on your house in sunny weather.

As promised, I started my decorating at 9am on Friday. The hubby had his list of 'honeydews' so he didn't help decorate which was fine with me. This was really fine with him because he got out of fighting with the lights. Hey let the little woman do it right? Well this little woman kicks ass...sorta.

I very efficiently pulled out all the lights we have and took one hour to check and make sure all the lights were in working order. Then I took them outside to lace around the shrubs, trees, and the mini fence in our front yard. The first strand went great. I went to plug in the second strand (I was smart, I plugged them in as I went to weave them) and one row was out. What the hell? I think to myself. I try to find this mysterious bulb and of course I go through the whole row...nothing. People...did you know a string of 100 miniature lights is only $1.95 at the Home Depot? Save yourself time...through out the fuckers and buy new lights...

-The BB (short and sweet and to the point today)

Tomorrow (Obnoxious Christmas Displays)
Tuesday (The BB goes to Church)