How to really tell your kids about sex
You know, I can go weeks without updating this blog because I'm either too busy or the inspiration just isn't there.
Then I have weeks like this week.
It all started when I was at a friend's house. She had just had her baby shower and a mutual friend of ours decided as a gag to get her the book "Mommy Laid an Egg (or where Babies come From)". I had never read this book and was perusing through it. It seemed like your ordinary "let's talk about sex" book. However, it eventually bordered on the verge of porn...no it became porn.
The book starts out innocently enough with the parents approaching their children saying "It's time you learned where babies come from." They joke with their kids at first by saying stuff like "the stork brought you" or "mommy laid an egg". All that jazz. The kids har har at their parents and then go "No really mom and Dad let us tell YOU where babies come from." This is where it all goes downhill.
First the kids draw for their parents (in stick figures of course) the male and female genitailia. These kids draw the mommies and daddies with really big bellies and really small boobs and penis' (see what they think of their parents already?). Then they explain that mommies and daddies have special parts. They even are nice enough to draw an arrow from the penis to the hole in mommie's vagina with the words going across the around "Insert here".
After they explain to their parents what goes where, they don't stop there. No, no, they even draw for their parents position that mommies and daddies can perform sex in. This includes mommy and daddy screwing on a skateboard, screwing on a exercise ball, screwing while having balloons tied to them and floating in midair...and some other freaky position. Seeing this page made me wonder what these fictional kids walked in on one time while their parents were doing the deed. I mean...my hubby and I were expeditious in our hey day...but a skateboard? I don't even think I can fit on that. An exercise ball, I can believe that. The balloons...COME ON!
Then the kiddies draw for mom and dad how the baby is produced in mommy's belly complete with 'as she grows' illustration. Mind you the kids keep her boobies really small in these pictures (if this were true my husband wouldn't have enjoyed pregnancy so much). Then they show a picture of mommy sitting on the floor (stick figures still) with a little head sticking out of her vagina. The little head is smiling and saying "Hello Mommy". Yeah...like my daughter was so happy when she was ripped from my stomach...so realistic.
So that's it peeps. That's how we teach our kids about sex. By telling them mommy and daddy are sex freaks and babies just 'pop' out whenever they feel like it...well one part is true...BEWARE OF THIS BOOK!
Then I have weeks like this week.
It all started when I was at a friend's house. She had just had her baby shower and a mutual friend of ours decided as a gag to get her the book "Mommy Laid an Egg (or where Babies come From)". I had never read this book and was perusing through it. It seemed like your ordinary "let's talk about sex" book. However, it eventually bordered on the verge of porn...no it became porn.
The book starts out innocently enough with the parents approaching their children saying "It's time you learned where babies come from." They joke with their kids at first by saying stuff like "the stork brought you" or "mommy laid an egg". All that jazz. The kids har har at their parents and then go "No really mom and Dad let us tell YOU where babies come from." This is where it all goes downhill.
First the kids draw for their parents (in stick figures of course) the male and female genitailia. These kids draw the mommies and daddies with really big bellies and really small boobs and penis' (see what they think of their parents already?). Then they explain that mommies and daddies have special parts. They even are nice enough to draw an arrow from the penis to the hole in mommie's vagina with the words going across the around "Insert here".
After they explain to their parents what goes where, they don't stop there. No, no, they even draw for their parents position that mommies and daddies can perform sex in. This includes mommy and daddy screwing on a skateboard, screwing on a exercise ball, screwing while having balloons tied to them and floating in midair...and some other freaky position. Seeing this page made me wonder what these fictional kids walked in on one time while their parents were doing the deed. I mean...my hubby and I were expeditious in our hey day...but a skateboard? I don't even think I can fit on that. An exercise ball, I can believe that. The balloons...COME ON!
Then the kiddies draw for mom and dad how the baby is produced in mommy's belly complete with 'as she grows' illustration. Mind you the kids keep her boobies really small in these pictures (if this were true my husband wouldn't have enjoyed pregnancy so much). Then they show a picture of mommy sitting on the floor (stick figures still) with a little head sticking out of her vagina. The little head is smiling and saying "Hello Mommy". Yeah...like my daughter was so happy when she was ripped from my stomach...so realistic.
So that's it peeps. That's how we teach our kids about sex. By telling them mommy and daddy are sex freaks and babies just 'pop' out whenever they feel like it...well one part is true...BEWARE OF THIS BOOK!
posted by Bealeton Babe @ 8:40 PM
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