Tractor on Down!

It really blows my mind, even after living her 2 years, how some people around here, see nothing unusually about taking their tractor for a 'spin'. I'm not kidding. I saw one today just zipping down the main highway. Of course heading back to the home farm...but got me thinking...what makes one think about taking a tractor out...

"Gee Verne, da car done broke. I'm gonna take the tractor out down to get me a cheeseburger. Want anything?"

or is it...

"I'm done in the fields...may as well take the tractor to pick up my perscription at Rite-aid...so sense of stopping while I'm goin'."

or is it...

"Who needs a car, when you got yerself a good John Deere"

Just not sure which one it is...

Short and sweet and to the point today.

Dee DEE DEEEEE

If you don't watch Carlos Mencia then you DON'T know what Dee DEE DEEEE means. But if you do...you see where this is going...STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Ok, so I'm going through the Fisher Price catalog, shopping for the boob. I get kinda nostalgic because I glance upon the Little People line. I remember as a kid, I had the whole Little People line. I even had the Little People short bus (you know the yellow one where they jump up and down in that little mini bus. I kinda felt an affection for it...since...well...something about me and short buses...I'm not gonna say, I'll let Polarhound out me...). In MY days, Little people were not the same size as they are today. Actually they were cylinder little plastic people with round heads. Wasn't much to them. They were just about the right size for choking...so in later years, Fisher price created this new line of really big, choke free, more realistic looking Little People (just take away more imagination please).

So anyway, as much as Little People have changed. One thing has stayed the same. They still Make the Little People short bus. The people even still bounce around on in it. Except now it comes with a stop sign and it lights up. Now ok...I have to go somewhere where people may get pissed off. But you know what they say about short buses right? Now, I personally don't take into this stereotype because...well...personal reasons (if you don't know what the stereotype is...then just move on to the next post...). Well you know how PC our world has gotten right? How "Oh let's not play into stereotyps...please..." Well...Fisher Price apparently doesn't care about that. First off, not only do they still make the Little People short bus...but they also have it come complete with three figures. One is a little boy, another is Carlos the bus driver (can't help laughing my ass off at the fact they named him Carlos....already makes me think of Mencia), and it also comes with Maggie. Maggie is extra special because...Maggie comes in a wheel chair. NOT KIDDING PEEPS!!! Online you can't see it, but in the catalog, Maggie is sitting in her wheelchair. Yeah yeah I know this is great, Little People are in one way being PC...but to have Maggie come with the short bus set? Um...let's just say the hubby (who is super extrasensitive to this issue because of family reasons) sat on our couch dumfounded when I handed him the catalog. He just couldn't believe Fisher Price would do that. But still we both went DE DEE DEEEE after looking at it.

Cause we are going to hell...straight to it...in a little short bus...beep beep. Who's coming with me?

How to really tell your kids about sex

You know, I can go weeks without updating this blog because I'm either too busy or the inspiration just isn't there.

Then I have weeks like this week.

It all started when I was at a friend's house. She had just had her baby shower and a mutual friend of ours decided as a gag to get her the book "Mommy Laid an Egg (or where Babies come From)". I had never read this book and was perusing through it. It seemed like your ordinary "let's talk about sex" book. However, it eventually bordered on the verge of porn...no it became porn.

The book starts out innocently enough with the parents approaching their children saying "It's time you learned where babies come from." They joke with their kids at first by saying stuff like "the stork brought you" or "mommy laid an egg". All that jazz. The kids har har at their parents and then go "No really mom and Dad let us tell YOU where babies come from." This is where it all goes downhill.

First the kids draw for their parents (in stick figures of course) the male and female genitailia. These kids draw the mommies and daddies with really big bellies and really small boobs and penis' (see what they think of their parents already?). Then they explain that mommies and daddies have special parts. They even are nice enough to draw an arrow from the penis to the hole in mommie's vagina with the words going across the around "Insert here".

After they explain to their parents what goes where, they don't stop there. No, no, they even draw for their parents position that mommies and daddies can perform sex in. This includes mommy and daddy screwing on a skateboard, screwing on a exercise ball, screwing while having balloons tied to them and floating in midair...and some other freaky position. Seeing this page made me wonder what these fictional kids walked in on one time while their parents were doing the deed. I mean...my hubby and I were expeditious in our hey day...but a skateboard? I don't even think I can fit on that. An exercise ball, I can believe that. The balloons...COME ON!

Then the kiddies draw for mom and dad how the baby is produced in mommy's belly complete with 'as she grows' illustration. Mind you the kids keep her boobies really small in these pictures (if this were true my husband wouldn't have enjoyed pregnancy so much). Then they show a picture of mommy sitting on the floor (stick figures still) with a little head sticking out of her vagina. The little head is smiling and saying "Hello Mommy". Yeah...like my daughter was so happy when she was ripped from my stomach...so realistic.

So that's it peeps. That's how we teach our kids about sex. By telling them mommy and daddy are sex freaks and babies just 'pop' out whenever they feel like it...well one part is true...BEWARE OF THIS BOOK!